My self-help book, ‘A Mother Apart’ will soon be released in the US, Canada and Australia, in time for Mother’s Day, 11 May – the most painful day of the year for many mothers living apart from their children. 

 

In order to try and reach as many women who might need the book as possible, I’ve been spending some time googling: mothers, moms, mums, without custody and living apart from children.  Quite a few forums and small organisations appear, many with heartbreaking stories of separation, pain and confusion, but when I try to make contact with these group co-ordinators many of my e-mails bounce back. 

 

We know that there are millions of mothers living apart from their children around the world, and the numbers are rising - so where are these women? 

 

Women live apart from their children for a whole range of reasons; they lose custody or they become part-time mothers with joint custody, which sometimes doesn’t work out in practice.  Then there are more tragic circumstances involved such as a serious illness, false allegations of abuse or losing touch with their children altogether - suffering Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).

 

Whatever the reason, being separated from a child can be devastatingly painful and difficult to manage.  Grief, guilt, regret and the stress of battling with an ex-partner are just a few emotions that women living apart from their children must come to terms with.  And many are left alone to deal with their own pain and emotional journey as the subject is still surrounded by taboo, social stigma and stereotypes of ‘abandoning’ or ‘unfit’ mother.  As a counsellor, I have worked with women who keep their status of being a mother a secret in order to avoid judgement.

That’s why I was inspired to write ‘A Mother Apart’. I have written the book as a mother apart of twenty years (I now have a good relationship with my daughter who grew up with her father in South Africa) and as a counsellor who specialises in supporting women who live apart from their children.

 

Here is a brief synopsis of my book:

Moving beyond the stigmatised phenomenon of mothers who leave, ‘A Mother Apart’ provides empathic, practical support to readers battling with their emotions as they adjust and come to terms with life apart from their child.  It’s written to relieve the isolation of the many mothers apart who say “I thought I was the only one”.  It provides understanding approaches to tackle difficult emotions, helping women to:

• understand and find release from feelings of excessive guilt and shame
• grieve your loss and live with dignity
• learn the art of big hearted mothering: deep love from afar, over time
• find positive ways to integrate their lives as a mother apart and independent women
• review and develop their relationship with their child
• develop amicable relationships with their children’s father, father’s new partner and other family members
• make decisions about their future, including having new relationships and other children, with confidence
• and fully appreciate how the capacity to love deeply from afar makes them some of the most extraordinary mothers in the world

 

I’d love to hear from you if know of any organisations apart from MATCH and NANCM, who support and advise mothers living apart from their children or if you are or know of any journalists who would like to write a magazine or newspaper article on this emotive and worthy topic.